If you are one of those lucky parents whose firstborn fell in step with the changing family dynamics and welcomed the new entrant with open arms, kudos to you. Unfortunately, a great majority of parents aren’t that lucky enough to have that smooth sail.
Even though it may be nerve-wracking to witness, and sometimes get caught straight into the middle of it, surprisingly, it is quite healthy for the kids. No, we haven’t lost our marbles.
Here are the top 4 reasons why Sibling Rivalry is healthy:
1. Conflict of interest makes them learn how to compromise and reach the middle ground. Of course, this development doesn’t come within the first round but the conflicts allow them to gradually lean towards the evident solution to compromise.
2. It allows them to navigate relationships. It gives them a chance to learn how to communicate explicitly and bridge connections with one another.
3. It develops self-awareness among children. It is a great opportunity for you to guide them toward self-examination. It is a stepping stone for teaching healthy relationships when you guide them toward learning about their own feelings. It is important for them to be aware of their feeling first before they explain the inducing factors to someone else.
4. It allows them to gain control over aggressive impulses. They learn not to react but to respond to situations.
Hope this proves to you that Sibling Rivalry may not be a completely futile cause. That being said, it doesn’t take away the pain and stress it causes for the household during turbulent episodes.
There are many reasons why siblings fight. According to the survey, some of the common reasons include:
1. Changing needs. As they grow older, their identities are gradually forming and take a more definitive shape as they grow older. A toddler will perhaps feel possessive of their belongings and might react when made to share. A school-age child, on the other hand, is open to the concept of sharing but very linear in the concept of fairness and equality so might react when presented with a situation where one sibling gets treated differently deeming it preferential treatment instead of expectations due to levels of maturity. Teenagers are a different ball game altogether. While developing a sense of independence and individuality, they may resent being the one to be asked to take on responsibilities being the older one.
2. Individual Personalities. Often times siblings might encounter conflict when their personalities clash. For instance, the siblings who like to keep things organized around the room might get rattled by the sloppiness who doesn’t consider tidiness a priority.
3. Siblings of Special Needs or Unwell Kids. A child may react if they feel the other sibling is soaking up more attention from the parents regardless of the most evident of reasons. They feel giving a tough time or throwing a tantrum will get them their due share of parents’ attention.
Now that we have gained a thorough understanding of why it is not that bad to have Sibling Rivalry at home and what might be the possible causes for Rivalry, let’s get to the bottom of how to deal with it.
The most effective and proven strategies are
Role Model. The way parents resolve conflicts and work through problems allows the children to lean on that knowledge when they are presented with a similar situation. I know, easier said than done but that’s exactly how it plays out. If a child sees an adult shout, slam, or argue loudly during conflicts, they are most likely to pick up on those and use the same behavior to respond during instances of conflict. It’s the same way a child learns verbal language. Mom or dad repeatedly use the word “apple” while pointing to it and a child eventually picks up the word and starts calling it an apple. In a similar manner, a child is shown to display a respectful tone during a conflict between adults pick up the same patterns, and will adopt the same during conflicts of their own.
Being Consistent with Ground Rules. Often enough we have ground rules in place but for the sake of trying to maintain an amicable environment, we at times forego violation of ground rules. This has a negative impact on the children as they learn the trick to play through the loopholes and not valuing acceptable behavior. The sibling may also hold it against you as they may call it preferential treatment since they faced the hard consequence when a ground rule was violated, which is, to be honest unfair.
Don’t get involved. Unless there is a risk of physical harm, allow the sibling to settle it on their own. They might not reach the middle ground easily but steering clear will present them with the brutal truth that they need to compromise somewhere to reach a truce.
Consequences as a team Treat them as one. Even during episodes of conflict treat them as a team that gets to bear the consequences equally regardless of who did what first. This will allow them to learn to reach compromise faster because they know both are bound to suffer at the end of this tunnel if things are not resolved amicably.
Hope you were able to gain something precious from the above article. Be sure to let us know your thoughts and feedback in the comments. We would love to hear about your experiences.
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