If you are concerned about the increasing number of conflicts amongst your kids at home and would like to break the pattern, then this is a must-read article for you.
We won’t confuse or bog you down with countless tips. Here is a low-down on 4 highly productive ways to prevent sibling fights.
1. Deal with them as an individual.
They may not verbalize it but you are the most important person in their life. They value your presence and yearn for it. Especially for firstborns, the idea of sharing not just spaces but parents’ undivided attention is not a welcoming change. Although the reaction may be inevitable there is a lot you can do by acknowledging it and taking steps to ensure you maintain a one-on-one connection with your child. Remember quantity is not always quality. You can spend 1 hour of meaningful time with your child and it will do better than 6 hours of unstructured interaction.
Here are a few helpful ways to address their need to be recognized as an individual.
· If you have a newborn at home and you can’t spend the same amount of time because of additional responsibility, it’s all right. Trust me, there is a way to continue to meet the emotional needs of your child without feeling guilty for not committing as many hours as before. As I said, it’s not in the number of hours but in the quality of the connection. The trick is to consciously plan to slot in that exclusive time with your child. Seek help from your partner or family while you try to incorporate that into your daily routine.
· As they grow from toddler to pre-teen and their personalities shape, you can plan a one-on-one afternoon trip and an activity that spans a couple of hours suited to your child's interest. This way you and your child will know that if on a certain day you both aren’t getting enough of each other, there is a day to look forward to filling that cup of love.
· Once they reach their teens and older age, it gets less physically demanding but will require more emotional presence. While you may not have to plan day trips or activities but you need to be present to listen. Just listen. Resist the urge to tell them the solution to their unique problem. Empower them to look within themselves for the right answers. Guide them towards it. But the bottom line is, be there to listen. It meets their need to be seen and heard as an individual. This could be a quick 5-minute talk in private as you check on them before bedtime, or while sharing a snack on the table. Take time out to hear them as an individual. And no, dinner time at the family table doesn’t count.
2. Create A Routine.
We cannot stress more on the importance of this crucial tip. Children thrive on routines. A structured way allows them to know what to expect from the day and not feel haphazard during the day.
Kids need something to look forward to during their day. It keeps their mind occupied with constructive thoughts. Routines may also include the turns the siblings need to take for the usage of electronics, turns doing chores and morning bathroom, etc.
3. Set Clear Family Rules and Stick To Them No Matter
Take the time to set family rules. The real trick here is to include your kids while making the rules. While you’re at it, make a family activity around it by debating the pros and cons of a certain rule. Reach decisions as a family. Write them clearly, and keep the language in positive as possible.
For instance, instead of writing it as
Rule 1: No Shouting in the house!
Write instead,
Rule 1: We use a gentle voice at all times whenever we speak to each other.
Involving them in the rule-making process allows the children to have ownership. They will follow them better and remember them well since it has come from their feedback as well. Place them in a visible place (it’s usually the fridge for us ).
It is very important to follow through with the rules and consequences. One mistake a parent often makes is to forgo certain situations as exceptions. Trust me, keep no exceptions. The more black and white you keep it, the easier it is for you to avoid getting blamed for having favourites in the house and inadvertently setting grounds for sibling rivalry.
4. Avoid Situations That Always Land in Conflicts.
There are certain situations you have come to learn as tricky spots. You know a meltdown is inevitable when kids are presented with the situation. It has happened many times in the past. For instance, who gets to have the remote control? Why is one sibling getting more playdates to go to? Who gets to drive the trolley at the supermarket? Sound familiar?
For such situations, set rules. For instance, make a schedule for each one to have a turn with the remote. If you notice one sibling is filling up the calendar, set up playdates for the other sibling to try and balance it out. Supermarkets are the trickiest of them all, there are a number of things that can go haywire. Don’t sweat there are a number of tricks you can keep up your sleeve.
- If they are too fussy at the supermarket, try to manage the chore when they are at school or when they can be home with an adult. Only take them with you for smaller quick trips instead.
- Tell them you need help managing the trip. Assign responsibilities, one child can drive the trolley while the other can call out the items from the list or spot the items you’re calling out and trace them on the shelf. Being given a job makes them feel wanted
- Take one child per trip. You may even use it as a bonding time.
- Incentivize the trip to the Supermarket. On the way to the market, tell them if everything goes smoothly and we save time, then everyone gets to have a scoop of ice cream on the way home.
You can do a great deal to prevent sibling fights by assisting your kids to develop into good communicators and ultimately guiding them toward better methods of resolving conflicts.
Hope you were able to gain something precious from the above article. Be sure to let us know your thoughts and feedback in the comments. We would love to hear about your experiences.
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